She reaches her hands out. Her white fingers wriggle like snakes as they inch further and further. Her hands are white, her fingers are white - so white that they don’t give off the feeling of life - and the neck her hands go around is even more white. Her fingers wrap around the neck that seems to have even lost the color white, that doesn’t give off a presence. Her fingernails dig slightly into the skin, drawing thin red lines. Like lipstick, she bemusedly realizes. The red lines follow her fingers, tracing them around the length of the neck. She squeezes harder than before, the feeling of flesh, bones, skin, nerves, throat, veins, and life. She feels the blood rushing under her fingers.
But no one is here.
She’s not being looked at by anyone.
Nothing is here.
She’s not even looking at anything.
Nothing is in the dark world. Only the whiteness of her hands and neck float in the darkness like ghosts, and she can’t see anything else. She doesn’t know if she’s standing, if she’s sitting, what time it is right now, or even where this is. The time and place are being erased in the darkness. Even if she were to look to the sky, she couldn’t see the stars, there is no moon, and she wouldn’t even know if that place where there is only darkness is the sky.
The neck.
Her hands.
The white neck that is being strangled and the white neck that she is strangling are all there is in the world. She didn’t even know if her eyes were there, but the feeling of putting strength forward comes to her clearly. The feeling of putting strength into her fingers. The feeling of putting strength into her fingers and choking someone. The feeling of her fingers sinking into flesh, and the feeling of pressing veins down.
The feeling of death.
The feeling of choking someone and - the feeling of being choked by someone.
The feeling of life.
Light goes on like an explosion. A light more red than red, more blue than blue shines. The feeling of the world breaking. The sky splits and the light that was hidden is released all at once. Only light fills the world with nothing in it. In the light, she saw it clearly.
The sight of Monoch choking herself.
And then - she snapped out of the dream.
—
Trapped within the confines of her own mind, Monoch has had a very, very long time to reflect. And she had only come to terms with one thing in thirteen years:
Her mind is boring. At first it was terrifying and infinite, extending in all directions, a sucking black void, holy magic pulling her against her will towards infinity. A constant struggle that she had learned to endure.
And then there was the great silence. Monoch thought that she had known silence in her old life, serving as a night maid in a great manor, with no company other than its creaks and groans. But it was nothing compared to the overwhelming quiet of her own thoughts that filled up her up and seemed to threaten to crush her.
But at a certain point it became rather dull. When trapped inside a hollow urn, there actually isn't much to see. Whether she opens or closes her eyes, all she sees is: Nothing, nothing, nothing, oh look, there's the woman who killed her. And there, to the left of her, is her husband and her six children, all of them laughing.
So that's nice.
Oh, and the constant pull of the holy beings trying to get her to join them on the other side. She had accumulated so much guilt and anger in her thirteen years of banishment that when the hand of salvation reached for her, she refused it, over and over. Over time the loneliness took over from the relief of solitude and she came to the opinion that it was the gods who had refused her, her own choice quite forgotten.
And so, because it is boring, she often finds herself drifting and allowing her mind to take it wherever it does. There's nothing much else to do, anyway. And she wants to avoid looking at those laughing faces, because they remind her too much of her failures. She had learned to control her temper, but sometimes, it was very hard not to scream out in frustration.
Not that anyone could hear her.
Until…
Until…
There was the sound of porcelain shattering. The sound of the urn cracked into the air as loud as thunder but without the raw power of a storm. Monoch felt tinny and small, in comparison to the noise, her world shaken and her reality checked.
It started with a slight shimmer, as if the air was being warped and twisted.
Levitating a foot off the ancient stone tile, the pearly-white translucent object shimmered with a haze. Slowly it came into focus, like an object observed through a telescope. but this phantom was close; very close. At first, its whisper was like the soft susurration of the wind in the trees, but as the ghost became more clear, more sharply focused, the whisper became an eerie rasping voice, moaning, groaning.
“So long… So long…”
The spirit's voice was like iron nails dragged over rock. It rose and fell, never once making the words audible. Then the eyes that had been as white as a naked canvas rolled to gray pupils, and her mouth stretched wide in a terrible scream!
…Or, rather, it was a yawn.
She explored the walls of the shrine with her eyes, taking note of their details and patterns. It seems that it had come to be a considerably less holy since she had last visited.
She turned over her shoulder… And her eyes fell. They met with a young man’s, one who would have been taller than her if not for her current position high above the ground. She blinked.
Had she been… rescued? Her mind was racing, sluggishly processing the information she’s been presented after over a decade’s worth of stagnation. Her eyes narrowed, slowly focusing on the man before her. Her lips parted, words sneaking out from between them.
“Who…?”
And she spoke no further.