His eyes fluttered closed with a slight sound when her lips were on his again.  The feel of them along with her on his hips wasn’t helping, and as much as his body wanted to give into it all over again, he wouldn’t allow himself.  His fingers gripped at her hips and for a brief moment he allowed his lips to press back against hers.  But that was all.  The thoughts were coming again, remembering who he was and what he harbored inside of him wouldn’t let him enjoy it.  Being as gentle as he could be, he pulled his lips back and pulled her back by her hips, turning his head to the side.
 
What could he say?  What could he do?  How was he going to help her understand this huge contrast in his behavior?  For once, he was angry that he even had to.  It was unfair, but he wouldn’t be a child about it: all his life he’d kept that control, now shouldn’t be any different.  Others had it far worse than he did… “I can’t, I’m sorry…”
 
He shook his head quickly as his eyes closed tighter, “It isn’t because of you either, this is my fault, I let myself lose control.  I gave in.”   His eyes opened and moved up to her, “But it’s nothing because of you…”
 
One day he would be able to do these things.  One day he’d have this monster out of him, but until that day he had to make sure to always tread softly.  There was no way he was going to risk her or anyone else getting harmed merely because of his own hormonal urges…no matter how enjoyable they were.  At least that night would have a lot of pleasant memories for him.  Though at the same time it would make it so much more difficult.  Not just for him: he knew this had to be stressful, at the very least it had to be annoying for her to deal with.
 
“If you’re angry with me I understand…You’d have every right to be.”   The feel of her skin so close though, despite his words, was already becoming too tempting.  Why had no one told him how difficult it would be to go against this level of temptation?  Now that he’d had it, he knew it would be that much more of a struggle every time he’d have to tell himself no.  But he didn’t want to tell her no…Not her, not anyone else.
 
“There are just things about me you don’t know, things I don’t want to discuss but I just need you to take my word on them…”   She was strong, so unbelievably strong, but he wasn’t going to risk it.  The one comfort he had was knowing that if he ever ended up endangering her or harming her, her mother would be on him swiftly and soundly.  He just didn’t want it to have to come to that.  More than anything he never wanted her to see his daemon come out; take control. 
 

“I need to get dressed, and I need to find that man who stole from you.”   He was trying to get his head on other things, get back on track.  It’s what he always did…

It was brief the moment they kissed again but Holly could feel himself fighting something. There was no way she could even be angry with him. She gave him a sad smile as he told her that he couldn't and she moved down softly to kiss his forehead. "I know. I was going to stop us last night but you took control so I thought everything was okay." She brushed his hair with her finger tips.

The Rosenite gave him a look of dissatisfaction for a moment before taking a pillow and smacking him with it. "Stop that, I am not angry with you. Look into my eyes and tell me if you see anger?" She took his face gently and made him look at her. "That's not anger Naota." She had a hard time explaining to him what it really was because she herself wasn't totally sure what it was.

"When the time is right I know you'll tell me what's been eating at you." She stroked his face softly before sliding off of him and jumping down to the floor. "I need some time for myself to. It's not that this is difficult for me. It's that I don't know if someone like me can hold back and give you the space you deserve. You push and I pull. It feels wrong to pull when I know what your heart says." She got dressed and looked up at him. Giving him a weak smile she jumped from the window and disappeared.

It escaped her mind to tell him where she was going but her mind was clouded with everything they had done. Everything he had told her and how he had rejected her at the end. Even if she said she was alright with it a part of her wasn't.

It was such a torturous dilemma: on the one hand he was eased in knowing that she wasn't angry with him. But, on the other hand he hated the alternative to that: sadness, disappointment. Hopefully she'd remember what he had told her before: this was all because of him, and that she had done nothing wrong. Why couldn't he shake off this feeling? Why had his training taken to him so well?


All he could do was watch her as she spoke, guilt pulling at him more and more with each word that she said. He didn't like the image of him pushing her as she tried so hard to get to him. It wasn't wrong, it didn't feel wrong, it just felt so different and he wasn't ready for it. But he so wanted to be. He was nineteen: already well into being a man, this should have been simple.


Before he realized what she was doing she was at the window, and by the time he'd flickered away from his bed to go to her she was gone, leaving him to look down at empty grass. Where had she gone? His heart raced in his chest and he didn't care if anyone heard him when he called out for her. It was in vain: she was gone, but he hadn't been able to hold back the instinct.


Where had she gone?! He wanted to be angry but he couldn't be, after all he'd done the exact same thing to her after their first day of knowing each other. Is this what she had felt like? It was such an empty feeling and all he could do was slowly close and relock his window. The protective seal on it strengthened once more as he did so but his eyebrows furrowed. Something was off.


He ran his fingers along the otherwise invisible ward, invisible to those it warded off at least, and it seemed…fizzled. How was that possible? He looked over his shoulder and closed his eyes, sensing out the aura in his room. But there was no one there. Absolutely nothing. Had he been anywhere else he might have thought that this was an error but these seals had been put in place by the Uharu family, his family, and they didn't make mistakes when it came to this.


Perhaps he'd be speaking to his parents before he left after all. But before that he went over to his desk, opening it and pulling out the map within. He knew what he could do to find her, there had to be at least one strand of hair here that he could weave into it. But not yet. As much as he wanted to find her immediately, he wouldn't let himself. She needed time for herself, that's what she had said, and…maybe, for now, it was the smartest thing to do. If nothing else he was eased in knowing that there would at least be a way to find her again.


One day.