Giving something up, relinquishing what had become a part of her for so long, admitting she needed help from others…these were all difficult things for her. All her life she had expected being snubbed, overlooked, ignored–left to fend for herself. The only exceptions were her time with her adoptive mother and siblings, and right now. Shiloh wasn't used to being prioritized. It had always been her fighting for her own benefits, staunchly rejecting any attempts to shortchange her. She had grown used to the belief that life wasn't, and wouldn't be fair; and that the only way to get somewhere in life was to take hold of it and make it happen with your own two hands. But that wasn't how it worked for this. Taking away suffering, siphoning portions of other people's psyches like a surgeon with a sharpened knife didn't go by the rules. Even the procedures by which she performed the act were only to mitigate any potential harmful effects resulting from the psychological shift. The benefits were only for the giver, not the receiver. 

Here she was, in the presence of someone who was willing to do the exact same thing she had done for all of those people. The greatest question in her mind now was, did she deserve it? By pragmatic thinking, the answer would have been yes. She was simply receiving what she was owed in turn for the cost she paid for the others. But part of her knew better. She wasn't owed anything. She didn't deserve it; they didn't deserve it. But regardless, they were given the offer. It was a gift, without any strings attached or any expected return. As the sting of the pain began to come back again, Shiloh made one of the hardest decisions in her entire life. For all of her obstinacy, self-efficacy, and personal dignity–she chose to bend. 

"…Alright. I'll do it. As much as I want to refuse, I know I can't do this on my own. At least, not right now." As she finally relented and held out her hands to accept, a small voice spoke from the back of her mind.

It seems you have made your decision. There is no harm in allowing others to lend their strength, nor is it a dishonor to acknowledge one's shortcomings. See this not as a deviation from the narrow path, but as a bridge which will open a new way before you. To fail is to fall due to one's own faults and misunderstanding, to succeed is to have the strength of others supporting you from behind. Today marks the beginning of a new door that has opened to you. Be not mistaken and consider humility as shamelessness.

Shiloh no longer held back, and loosed her hold over all the anguish and grief she had taken upon herself with complete willingness. With no barriers to withhold it, the tide of turbulent, chaotic emotions poured out like a dammed river reclaiming its rightful course. It was much stronger than before, like a great flood seeking to swallow everything in its wake with no clear direction. Though the brunt of its power soon began to wane as it was opposed by the influence of the sapphire room. It was starting to dissipate, like smoke, like oil in water.

Even though he had been hoping for her to allow him to help, he couldn’t deny that he was surprised she had agreed. She appeared to be so strong willed and determined that, while he expected to have to do more coaxing, he didn’t hesitate in case she changed her mind. Her hands moved out, offering them to him like how he’d asked her before, and he moved his over hers as he had done previously. The markings on his arms slowly rose up again, their light shining brighter as the ropes gently wound themselves around their wrists and arms once more, “Thank you…I know it is not an easy thing to accept help, but it takes a different form of strength to do so.”

Again he felt it, that same heaviness that tried to fill him, consume him. His eyes closed and now he actually rested his hands down so that he could lightly grip her wrists. Now that she was letting it all go, he felt the full affect and locked his jaw enough for his teeth to grit. Even with his power, this was still so much…That blackness he’d seen surrounding her, overshadowing her, now threatened to reach down to his core. Just before it could, he felt his own light push it back. The sapphires that lined the room gradually glowed brighter as if to help him, and Torinasu was practically vibrating from the intensity. He could not imagine having to deal with this alone each and every day with no relief…And he was only feeling a small percent in himself.

And then he felt the shift, the darkness seeping up to mix with the markings on his skin, the light that bound their arms together, fighting with the holiness and light. But, as he had promised, all of that negativity began to transmute to positivity with the help of his black tourmaline blade’s effects. It fed the room like a personal battery, and he sighed with relief as it finally ebbed. Of course, her body would just be filled all over again the next time she helped someone, but at least she would be free for a short amount of time. When his eyes opened they were cast down on their arms. He caught sight of the last of the darkness fading from the markings and light, and only when it was a pure white did he start to pull his own hands back; the light coming with him and settling on his skin as markings once more.

He smiled, “If ever it becomes too much, I want you to come to me…” He slowly shook his head, eyes weakening as he looked her over as if she had just come from some long war. In a way, she had, “It takes a very special person to do what you’ve done. Not everyone would be able to last as long as you have, or have the determination to continue on bringing this burden onto themselves.” He breathed out slowly through his lips, tension leaving his muscles that he had only just noticed, “Now then…I think it would do us both good to have some tea.”

Once it was all gone, Shiloh felt as if a weighty millstone had dropped from her shoulders. She slumped, feeling strangely empty without the emotions churning inside. She felt…numb. When the deity reassured her that this place would always welcome her should she ever need help, she nodded her head in response. She was thankful, and would remember the kindness he had done for her today. Regardless of the passage of time, she wouldn't forget it. In a way, she was relieved that the deity had been able to withstand the burden that she had carried for years. To fully and wholly place one's trust in another was something she very rarely did. Those who had been fortunate enough to receive it were few and far between. To her, only those with an important place in her mind were granted the time-honored laurel. And the deity of light now held the esteemed position of being the first person she had put her trust in within less than a day's time of their initial meeting and introduction.

When he suggested that they both unwind physically and emotionally with some warm tea, she agreed. "…That sounds good. It feels so…weird now that the pain's gone." Holding her hand up before her face she mused, "Right now it feels like my body's only partially here." The sensation in her fingers was slowly readjusting to the change–or lack of stress. Moving her fingers one by one she half-expected them to phase through each other instead of being solid as they were. The headache, the ringing in her ears, the whispers, the pricking needles all over her skin–gone. 

He slowly nodded, able to understand but only partially. Upon his ascension he’d felt his own separation from a lifetime of stress in the form of the daemon he’d shared this body with. That absence, the surrealism she was surely feeling, he knew it well. There were still some nights where he feared he’d wake up in some ransacked village, blood soaked and naked, his skin still healing from the singe of his clothing mid burning. His eyes closed briefly, pushing such thoughts and memories aside, and only opened them once they were gone.

Moving slowly, he lifted himself from the couch, tying his blade off at his hip as he watched her methodically test at her fingers, “When you hold something like that within you for so long…You have lost a bit of yourself. In a way…” There was doubt that she’d ever truly get used to it, so he wouldn’t sugarcoat it with such words. No, this was temporary, one day her being would be filled with negativity all over again. And on that day he hoped she’d remember his extended offer. For now though, “Come with me, we’ll get you something to help you relax. There are also numerous bedrooms, wash rooms, a library: you are welcome to everything here to help you recuperate…” His eyes softened,

“Right now, let’s start with the common room. At this hour many people are usually outside enjoying the gardens and stables, so you’ll be able to take advantage of the quiet and semi privacy.” Knowing her, even as briefly as he had, it was still hard to tell how long she would stay. Just like anyone that peacefully entered Suisho no Kyuden’s walls, she was welcomed to stay for however long that she needed. That was always his promise.

Losing a part of herself… So that was the name for that feeling. In a way, it made sense. It all started back when she first learned how to extract grief from human hearts, when she was still young and inexperienced. Those were dark times before she made that discovery, and most of what she could now recall were cold and empty. That inescapable numbness, that gaping void of emotion. It was then when she had taken in those fragments and pieces from others, claiming them as her own. She had wanted them, desired them in some sort of desperation to know what it was like to feel. The things the deity had purged from her in the end, were just that. Things that belonged to someone else–not hers.

There lay the root of the issue and her strange ability. A deep-seated wish, an all-consuming desire. The impetus that drove her to seek out those burdened by circumstances beyond their control. "…Perhaps they were just distractions that I kept around, to prevent myself from seeing what I didn't want to see." She answered, closing her hand into a fist. She stood up and followed him as he showed her around the rooms. There was anything one could need to heal the body and mind; very fitting for this place. The library in particular caught her attention. After having her mind and soul cleansed, she felt the insatiable urge to seek out knowledge to equip herself in dealing with her prior state. "The gardens sound good… I might spend some time there. About your library–what sort of books do you have there? If you don't mind me asking."

She had to practice her rarely used etiquette sometime. Better to do it now than wait when she urgently needed it. Fortunately Naota had enough forbearance that he wouldn't be offended so easily by someone being unintentionally impolite. Shiloh was hoping to find reference books and scholarly material on matters of the mind, and if possible potential modes and methods to resolve them. 

As they neared the library on the second floor he wasn’t surprised in the least at her curiosity. Aside from the surrounding grounds themselves, this was one of the most heavily visited areas at Suisho no Kyuden. His gaze moved to her, answering first about the gardens and such, “Throughout the day and even all through the night the surrounding areas are opened. At this time of day the gardens experience quite a bit of foot traffic, but there are plenty of areas to tuck yourself in.”

He paused for just a moment, thinking on how best to word his next train of thought, “Everything there is comprised of stones, gems, crystals-all matter be they precious or semi precious.” That was no understatement either, emerald literally made up the blades of grass, “If there is anything you see that you would like or might even need, just be sure to ask me first.” He highly doubted she would try to pocket anything, but it was something he told everyone.

His smile returned as he paused and looked through one of the tall entrances of the library. Even from here he could see the thick beams of light pouring in through the crystal windows, made that much stronger from the reflection of surrounding snow, “What sort of books, hmm…” he crossed his arms and looked up towards the ceiling in thought, “That’s a bit of a difficult question to answer. There are some tomes and scrolls here so old that they have a constant enchantment on them to keep their pages from blowing into dust…”

He looked back at her, “Many books on history, scrolls of different fighting techniques, a whole section dedicated to illusion work…” In truth he could stand there all day telling her what was there, “A great amount on holy magicks, light magicks, even shadow and darkness…Defense, beastiaries, fiction-” he cut himself off with a short laugh, “It might be better for you to tell me if there are any subjects in particular that you’re interested in.”

She hadn't even realized that everything here had been made from jewels or precious stones until the pounding in her head was gone. Upon inspecting what she had thought to be grass, she saw the glossy shimmer and wondered if they were rigid like the stone, or flexible like the plant. Getting a nasty cut from blades of grass probably wouldn't make sense. The categories he listed of the library's books and written material were extensive, more than she was looking for. But if it had all of these, then maybe it would have what she did want to read. "If I may, I would like to read anything you might have on matters of the mind. I'm still pretty clueless when it comes to the basic knowledge of this…world, so history and other related books would be much appreciated as well. I've never been the type that was good with magic, so I'll leave that for some other time." Those enchantments on the scrolls and books did sound very convenient however. Most people had scribes to ensure knowledge and wisdom passed down from generations wasn't lost to time, recopying and repairing when needed. Though eventually someone would have to renew the preserving enchantments too.

She had always had a strong interest in the mind and all of its inner workings. In spite of its flaws, it had its merits and when used right–it could be used to achieve great things. Shiloh wanted to know more, for her own sake and to gain a better understanding of others. Perhaps if she was more familiar with how people thought, it would make daily conversation and social interaction easier. For most of her life she had been shadowed by the feeling of being out of place, never quite able to fit in. Conformity wasn't something she was good at, even when she tried. Thankfully conformity wasn't absolutely necessary if you could make your own niche. That was what she had eventually settled on, when she couldn't find a place otherwise. She wanted to be fully aware of her limits. Only then could her decisions and choices be made without wavering. 

She wanted to become stronger, through her own efforts. Although others might have asked for a boon or blessing from the deity in this situation, she wasn't that kind of person. If she wished to gain something, she wanted to earn it. Everything had its cost, and eventually it would have to be paid on one way or another.

“Matters of the mind and history…” His voice trailed off as he thought about what was available. There were a few sections he could direct her towards, and he started to walk into the library, “Come with me.” Once they were in he kept the talking to a minimum, and their footsteps were hushed by the soft carpet so that no people studying would be bothered. There were no lectures going on today as far as he could tell, and none came to mind that had been planned ahead, so it was especially quiet. Light poured into the room through the crystalline windows, revealing glittering particles in the air from any dust that might have come up from books in each sunbeam.

History would be the easiest, and he took her through to the proper shelves. His voice was so soft you’d think he had been whispering if not for the pitch in his voice, “You’ll find plenty of Revaliir’s history here, though I will admit that most of it is pertaining to this continent and subjects of my temple’s focus.” He turned his gaze to her, “If I might make a suggestion, my fellow deity of Parvpora would be able to offer you even more.” Drae was the deity of knowledge after all, and his library put anyone else’s to shame. Naota could spend hours and hours lost in it so long as Drae was patient enough to allow him.

“As for matters of the mind, what I have in my library would be limited to anything that wasn’t in the metaphysical realm.” He smiled apologetically, “There are a few I can think of that might suit what you’re looking for, but for all that I have, Adraejen would be able to offer you tenfold.” He flicked his wrist and a thick book appeared in his fingers which he offered forward to her, “This one in particular deals with sickness that affects those mentally, psychologically, and goes in depth from there. Tell me, what exactly do you hope to gain from your studies? I might be able to narrow the scope a bit as far as what I have at my disposal.”

She wasn't sure if she was in a library or a church. The windows here reminded her of the tall cathedral she had passed by once back in her world. The deity brought her to the history section of the books. There were so many old tomes and even scrolls tucked into the shelves. He stated that what he had here detailed the world's history, specifically this continent and anything related to his realm. That was to be expected. Shiloh had been met with disappointment before; they were well-acquainted by now. "I see…thank you. I'll make good use of it. If there's something I can't find here, I will pay a visit to Tar Eisalae." There was plenty for her to start reading up on. 

He asked her a direct question, her reason for wanting to know more about the topics she had brought up. "What I hope to gain… Understanding. That is what I expect. I want to understand the mind and all its intricacies to the very letter. You can only be hurt by what you don't know, but once that changes a person can better defend or protect oneself as they know what they're up against. I don't intend to leave things up to chance–fortune favors the prepared." Fortune also was fickle, but being prepared made its sudden turns easier to weather. "The smaller of a margin I can have when determining what is possible and impossible, the clearer it is to hit the mark. There'll be a time when I only have one shot at something, and I don't plan on wasting it. I know it's impossible to get everything  right on the first try, but it'll make me more at ease when I know the chances aren't zero."

Someone like him probably would interpret her intentions as selfish or blind ambition. It wasn't out of her expectations. It was better to keep some things to oneself, so she didn't go further than that. Her goal was self-preservation. Not every time you could rely on someone being around to bail you out. 

By her initial reaction alone he could tell that what he had here wouldn’t be enough for what she truly wanted. Hopefully there would be at least one book to aid in her studies. She spoke her intentions, and while they were noble and he respected them, he knew her journey would be a long one. Though he knew well that nothing worth actually obtaining came easily. She had enough determination for three of her stature, he just hoped that she wouldn’t run herself too ragged. As of now she was doing much better, but he remembered well how very black and negative her energy was when she first arrived. Too much was kept on her shoulders, and there was something to be said about someone who refused to shrug -so to speak-, but still…

“I completely agree with you,” his wrist flicked once more and the book disappeared, returning back to its home amongst the shelves, “Just remember what we’ve already spoken about: don’t take on too much at a time.” He’d said it to her enough in this afternoon that he felt like a doting aunt and his eyes softened, “I’ll leave you to your studies then, whether they keep you here or lead you to another library, know that you’re always welcome to stay for as long as you need.” He gently dipped his head to her and walked towards the aisle, pausing at the edge of the shelf,

“Shiloh,” he half turned, eyes moving along her as if there was some sickness yet unseen, before resting his gaze on her face, “I’m not sure what it is that you’re preparing for, or if there even is anything specifically, but do know that I’m here for help should you ever need it…Not to do it for you, but to assist, or even teach.” Not that anything she wanted or needed would garner his teachings, but he always wanted others to know that the offer was there, “Just…remember all that we’ve talked about today.” He smiled, the emerald of his eyes shining brighter for a brief moment before turning to continue on his way and leave her to her research.