Ernest sighed. "Sorry. I didn't know." It struck her that it must be incredibly hard to be a goddess, to watch the world change, and be responsible for everything.

"That has to be no fun. I can imagine it must be very embarrassing for everyone involved." She frowned slightly. "I hope I never do that. Then again, I probably will. I can see that happening."

She was still slightly confused by the whole mana thing Angela was talking about. She knew it was something that let people use magic, but that was about it. Still, she focused and tried again, allowing a bit of her mind to think about magic, and the strange runes on her hands. Once again, there was the strange sensation of suddenly being somewhere else, and she now found herself much closer to the mark, but this time, several feet to the right. 

Angela gave Ernest a heartfelt smile. “It’s not trouble really. When I became a goddess I lost my family. Before Iva and Rohan… all the others that have come with my ascension… There was Lyre and my husband Wyatt. The Voice is a very powerful being and the World Tree is probably even more powerful. When I ascended I had a vision, most likely of Dalanesca killing me. It brought down our little cottage, I loved that cottage Wyatt built it for us. Royalty or not… it was the best gift that anyone had ever given me back then.” She looked pained for a moment. “When it came down it crushed both Wyatt and Lyre. It took a long time not to feel angry at myself. Much like how Dalanesca was angry at me. If I could have killed myself I would have. Immortality is evil in that way. That’s why I understood Dalanesca the way I did. Exactly why I didn’t fight her. I understood her.”

She attempted to change the mood to a happier one. She trusted Ernest with the knowledge that the tiny Goddess had given to her. To Angela, Ernest was a good girl. The goddess chuckled a bit and shook her head. “After all these years of being a healer? Not a lot embarrasses me. Them? Probably. Master magi get shoved so far up their…” She looked for the word and wanted to be vulgar about it but she sighed. “Up their rears that they can’t understand that just because you know how to do it well doesn’t mean there won’t be any accidents. Even something you know like the back of your hand can be flawed somehow. You could be tired, lacking mana, or a bunch of other things that you don’t really think about because you aren’t trained to.”

Angela found another seat in the room so she could watch Ernest with ease. It was on top of her bookshelf, the thing had to be a good seven feet high but she wanted a good spot to watch. “Okay, I think I see the problem. Stop.” She shook her head a bit. “Let’s try this method first.” She gently kicked her legs and the sound of her heel hitting the hard mahogany reverberated in the room. 

“I want you to center yourself. Sit down for a minute. Close your eyes. I want you to look deep into yourself. There are stories of people telling others to think of that one happy moment in your life. That’s bullshit first off. I’ve seen people rip others to shred because their anger filled them.” Angela crossed her arms.

“Deep inside you is a massive tingling. Most people can’t feel it. They don’t even know they have the spark. We call this mana. It is a natural life essence. It flows from you to the ground and repeats the cycle. Sometimes it takes a while for the mana to come back. Sometimes it does not. Depending on the race of the individual they are stronger mana wise during the day or at night. You are human. You are very lucky in this case. Humans are flexible. They are strong willed. The only thing that they lack is a hardy body and longevity. However, that’s what makes them so ballsy. Creatures like myself or vampires… we could sit in a chair and not move for centuries at a time waiting for our opponent to make that one wrong move…”

She tilted her head. “Humans don’t, won’t, or can’t. Your life spans are way too short for such games. So you become ballsy. You attack when you know the moment is right instead of waiting your opponent out. Sometimes we meet a rare breed of human who waits their enemies out but they are still impulsive compared to us.” She began to tap her fingers against her skin. “What you are going to do is keep looking inside yourself.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled. “You will train your breathing. You will breath deeply and exhale slowly. You will look into the depths of not only your body but your very soul. Focus Ernest. Look for that spark. I’ve heard it feels different for everyone depending on your element. Fire is more like a spark or a hot touch. Electric is a pool of energy that sends your body into a tingling sensation. Earth is calm and waits, you can feel its patience within you. Water is calm but at a moments notice you can feel the swell like high tide in a storm. Light is a sense of purity, nobility, and reassurance. Darkness is a sense of confidence, demanding power, and the cold light of the moon. Wind is a swirling vortex inside yourself.” She could have kept going on but she stopped herself. “Feel for something like that. Something foreign to you within yourself. Something that you have been missing but didn’t realize you needed. That is mana. That is life’s energy. There are many different ways to cast spells. You don’t necessarily have to call it mana. Rosenites call it Essence. Some call it Chi. You need to find it Ernest. You need to tame it.”

Ernest nodded. She thought she understood what Angela was meaning. "That must have been really hard," she said, "and all the worse for thinking it was your fault. I get your meaning, now, about Dalanesca, though. Pain can drive people to do strange things. I think the only reason I didn't go insane when…" She trailed off, then spoke again, "when my parents dies was… I knew no one was going to help me if I did." She paused. "If I wanted to survive, I had to get to work. So I did."

Ernest laughed slightly at Angela's opinion of the mages. "Yeah, I learned from experience that nothing works the way you want it to. Even if you are good at it." If there was one thing she had learned, that was it. "I don't think I've ever had something go according to plan." There had probably been a few times, but she didn't really remember them. Things seemed to blend together into one huge blur for her, most of the time.

She sat down on the floor, inwardly wondering what was going on, and closed her eyes, listening as Angela spoke. Look inside herself? She had never done that. It was a strange idea, and she grappled with it for a moment before pushing her confusion aside and trying. She breathed in, slowly, and out again.

The memories came. It was a disconcerting feeling, as she somehow saw herself from the inside, looking at everything she'd done and become. She resisted the urge to pull away. But other than herself, she saw nothing. 

And then, suddenly, there it was. 

She gasped, shocked by its suddenness. It was powerful - she could feel its power, swirling around her. She couldn't understand it, but she knew this was what Angela had meant. This was her gift. All of this power she felt was hers, if she could learn to tame it. 

She fought it, tried to keep it from pushing her, but it was stronger than she was. She couldn't get a hold on it, and for a moment, she felt utterly lost. Then she pulled herself together, and forced herself to think. She had to contain it. She let herself be pulled by it, and then, suddenly, it made sense. This was part of her and she would control it. She set her jaw and pushed back at it, daring it to fight her. And fight her it did, but it couldn't forever. She pulled at it, instead of wrestling with it, taking it, claiming it.

And she was back in the little room again, with Angela still watching her. 

"That," she said, "was the strangest thing I've ever done."

Angela nodded a bit to Ernest and her childlike smile came back if only to comfort the girl. "My parents and much of my family died when Adeluna attacked us. Before the current queen took over there was a family that greatly feared my people. We lost a lot of good people… had a lot of women raped. You name it and it happened the night Adeluna attacked us… but we don't forget. When the queen of Adeluna wanted that throne we stood behind her and we got our revenge the only way many of us know how… We fought." She was trying to show Ernest that she could relate to her. It was something that her mother did to help her when Angela had been struggling.

Green eyes watched on as the young girl stared within herself to find the mana that Angela had been telling her about. In the end, it didn't matter what they gave the matter for a name. It just existed and it would continue to exist even without their help. A smile crept up to the child goddess's face as she watched Ernest find what Angela had awoken. Now came the hard part which was fighting it. Or more so accepting it. No matter what it was a part of you and Angela knew that it was hard at first to accept something you did not know existed in the first place.

"It is strange but it is how people who struggle finding a way to get their magic to work." Angela gently kicked her feet softly and nodded a bit to herself. "Everyone has this power to them. Everyone has this ability to learn more and do more. Rarely though do people believe that they can. That is what sets you apart from the others. You have come and conquered something that you didn't know you had." Angela hopped off her little bench and walked up to Ernest. "It is a part of you… Not something different or foreign but a literal part of you." Angela seemed pleased that the girl figured it out, though. "We can take a break for today, though. I am sure if you do not feel exhausted that your body is practically screaming at you."

(We can pick it up after Ang ages a bit ;) )

"I'm sorry," Ernest said. "That must have been awful." She frowned as something occurred to her. "Has something happened to Adeluna? Because everyone seems to dislike them. Is that just how politics work?" Ernest had never been particularly angry at them, although spending a lot of time there tended to get her arrested. "I've heard several nasty stories."

"I never thought I would be able to do magic," she said. "It's amazing to learn that I have a power like this." A smile slowly broke out on her face. "I've never really had much I was good at. Now this is part of me." She laughed, just from all of the excitement that had been building inside of her. 

She paused for a second and realized that Angela was right, she was exhausted. In her excitement, she hadn't even noticed. "Yeah, that's probably best. I'll probably manage to fall down some giant staircase or something as it is. Not that I don't regularly." It seemed that if she knew she wasn't really in danger of anything when she was walking she seemed to trip over everything.

Angela tilted her head. "Not as bad as it used to be. The queen is still new and it will take a long time for people to forgive Adeluna for what they have done in the past. That is the way of the world. The actions of a few define a place as a whole. Mortals are silly like that." She shrugged a bit and gave Ernest a smile. "It will make things hard for her for the time being but maybe in a few generations.. perhaps her grandchildren… People will forgive Adeluna."

Angela motioned the girl to follow her and found a simple room for Ernest to stay in. "This can be yours whenever you come here. The room can change to whatever you want. Want it on a beach? Just wish it. The temple is very much alive just like the forests inside it. And now I don't mean the forests inside the realm… I have forests inside this manor as well." Angela smiled a bit and motioned to the dressers. "There might be clean clothes in there for you as well. If they don't fit you can ask the clergy and they will get you some. You are a guest and I don't let my guests go without. You can get food that way as well. Whatever you like."

Days would pass and Angela would be there to help to Ernest. As the week came and went the goddess slowly began to age. She looked more like Ernest's age now as she flung herself around the temple. "ADRAEJEN!" The goddess was pouting. "Come play with me please?" The husband the goddess had was currently hiding from the hormone crazed teen that had appeared. "ADRAEJEN!" Angela was pouting before she found Ernest. "Do you want to learn more today? I know I've been awfully busy as of late. However, Drae is ignoring my calls." The teenage goddess began to pout more.

The days passed, and Ernest thought they were some of the most wonderful in her life. She spent most of her time exploring the temple, trying (and failing) to not get in anyone's way. Occasionally she would just sit outside and watch the temple hurry along. She noted interesting things to herself and dedicated time to recording them in the strange purple sphere that apparently remembered everything she said to it.

She was copying out a star chart she was trying to make when Angela came running in. It was exceedingly amusing to see her chasing people all around the temple, although today Drae appeared to have found a hiding spot she hadn't noticed yet. Ernest laughed slightly at her monologue and rolled up her star chart. "I would always love to learn more," she said. "Stars will always be there."

She stuffed the orb back in her bag, glaring as it tried to fly out and keep displaying her chart. "Oh, go away," she muttered, buckling the bag over the protesting orb. "Sorry about that," she said to Angela. "That thing can be very temperamental at times." 

She grinned. "What crazy things are you planning to get me to do today?" she said, laughing. "Kidding. I'm excited. Really. I love learning magic." Her grin widened.

Angela held up a finger and smiled down at Ernest. “That’s not necessarily true Ernest. The constellations move with the seasons. Star maps can be tricky so you have to do one for each of the four seasons. Though here in the Gardens the constellations never move out of Ingius so at least you have these ones.” She smiled a bit.

Tilting her head at the orb she laughed a bit. “I’ve heard about those. Tools of the Fae so they can study and remember things. I would be careful though they have killed people before.” Ang added a smile to her face as they spoke. “Temperamental isn’t the word I would use for the Fae.” She chuckled more.

The grin on Ernest’s face was contagious as she pulled her up out of the sitting position the teen was in. “Today, I’m going to teach you survival. There is a ton you need to know and you being young makes me thing you know your stuff about surviving in a city… but what about the wilderness?”

Angela put her hands on her hips and smiled. “I happen to be the best person to talk to about nature and the curses and horrors she has. Let’s start with what you do know about survival in the wilderness.” Waiting for Ernest’s knowledge so she could see where she had to start.

"They've killed people?" Ernest asked, shocked. "All this one's done to me is whack me over the head a few times before I learned to pay attention to it. Figured that one out pretty quickly." She'd had a sore spot on her head for a week after, though. 

Ernest shrugged. "I know enough not to die in the wild. Well, at least not yet." She laughed. "Not much, though. I can light a fire. Usually eat without killing myself." She glared at the orb that was still valiantly trying to pull itself out of the bag. "Escape things that are trying to kill me."

She sighed. "The problem I've discovered with the wilderness is that it doesn't lend itself well to experimentation. I wish I could try things out without risking death every time I do. Then I wouldn't have to go back to the cities too much. Despite what people would think, I don't really care for cities. Too many people. Too easy to be recognized. They're at least as risky as the wild, in my opinion. I just have to eat, so I go back."

“Well not everyone is as fortunate as you are to land one of these orbs with this temperament. Normally they are a lot worse. Bludgeons the head right in they do.” She shivered a bit from the thought and laughed. “At least you figured it out.”

Tilting her head again to the other side now Angela reached over and flicked Ernest’s nose hard enough so she would know that wasn’t good at all. “You’ve been surviving on luck. Each environment is different. You could survive in Laeto because you know about what fruits you can eat or what you saw people eat but that knowledge doesn’t transition to say Virens Forest.”

Taking Ernest’s arm Angela made a gateway and they appeared in a rather open room. It was a tropical room with pleasant humidity. There were beds and clerics running around healing the sick and injured that came to the shrine. “The number one thing you can do for yourself when you aren’t in the city or near someone who knows how… is to know how to heal yourself. I’ll teach you a few different ways.”

She brought Ernest over to a table similar to the one where they first met. This was one was more luxurious than in Itjivut though as it was made from marble with inlaid silver and gold. “I know you don’t know how to do either of those two things unless you’ve learned since I have met you in Itjivut. Anyone can tie a cloth to a wound to stop the bleeding. It’s going past that. The right salve can stop an infection… If you get an infection that can’t be stopped.” It was as if she had come here on purpose.

A clergy member brought an amputated arm past them and Angela sighed a bit. “There’s nothing I can do if it gets that far at least not without my god magic. I’ve stitched arms back on, legs… I’ve made a new eye for someone but without my god magic I’m just like every other cleric or healer out there. I am a herbalist first though. “However, amputated limbs can be put back on without god magic. The only time I absolutely have to use god magic is in cases where the limp is already dead… Like the arm that came past us. Now I could put the arm back on but as it so happens the man that arm belongs to right deserves not to have it.”

She mused as she leaned against the table. “Being a herbalist, healer, cleric, whatever you want to call us isn’t something where you have to be a doormat. There have been times when I’ve let family members heal like a mortal because they need to learn a lesson. There have been people who have broken rules or done things that I despise so I don’t heal them. Do not under any circumstances let people walk all over you just because you want to be good. I call that stupid good. Stupid good tends to include holy clerics, holy healers, paladins,…” She seemed to have a list as she counted visibly on her fingers. “On occasion Naota.” It was a jest really towards her godly brethren. “Though he is the good sort and not stupid overall.”

“They die for the reasons they run into battle. They don’t think they just do. There was a time when I did the same thing. I wanted to help everyone even at the cost of myself. First summer out on the battlefield… in the red sands of Arri I learned the hard way not to be that way. I lost a lot of my friends that I had graduated the healer’s academy with. I was heartbroken over the souls I couldn’t save. I was your age when I found out that you just can’t help everyone. You can only help the willing and those that deserve it.”