[OOC: Larka and Celeste are using the two journals to communicate, but Celeste doesn't know that it's Larka reply to her in the journal. Celeste's journal can be found Here ]

Because you are you, that's what makes you special. Your wife loves you and she is as much yours as you are hers, you are always on her mind. Deep down she hides the pain, but not from you, you alone are the one that she trusts with her darkest secrets and hidden emotions, things that no one else will ever know. 

Keep running, if it makes you happy, you have come a long way in a short time and are only going to get better. I know it, I can feel it. I believe your wife knows how to meditate, she used to do it years ago, did she not? Maybe she can help, she hasn't likely forgotten how, just hasn't used it. Never think you are weak, Celeste, you are not, you are strong, you have survived so much that would have broken those lesser than you long before and much faster. The drow may have 'broken' you, but the joke is on them, they're dead, you aren't, you survived and are whole once again with the woman that loves and will take care of you forever.

They only stole the material from you, Celeste, you came out of that hole damaged but alive. You fought them at the end! Do you not remember? You kept a knife hidden away until the right time, and killed them, they never broke you!

My time grows short for now, I hope you write back. But please remember, you are loved, you are special to her, no matter what foolish thing she may do, she loves you.

Until next time,

Your Journal

She sees a beautiful and loving woman, who she wants to spend the rest of her life with.  You are stronger than you now, Celeste, and not nearly as broken as you think you are, chipped, maybe, not not broken.  You will recover, because you want to, and Larka can handle it, one time she made a mistake, but her resolve is strong, I know it, I know her and I know you.  She won't go back to the bottle I can promise you that, Celeste.

That is great news about your twin!  She loves you as well and will be there as much as Larka is, I'm sure.  You can start to make memories with her again, put the past in the past and start over once again.

You are new to these lands still, once you are feeling up to roaming around a little more, with or without Larka, I'm sure you'll find plenty of friends out there.  You're great at making friends, Celeste, and you'll have more than you'll ever know in a short time, I'm sure.  There is always tomorrow, as you said something new may happen, who knows?  Each day will bring new things into your life, you won't have that empty feeling for long, friends outside of your family are important.  I'm sure Larka will understand.

Always remember that you are Celeste Nash, beloved of Larka Nash, who will always be there for you, no matter what happens.

As will I

Your Journal

I'm sorry that I did not reply to you before, but it's good hear that you are sparring again! It's never pointless to try! You have been away from a sword for two years, it's only natural that you're weaker than before, but give it time, take it slow, Larka will help you the whole way. You muscles will get stronger and all those years of training will slowly come back to you, don't give up, I believe in you! Don't forget that Larka lost her sword arm and had to relearn everything from the ground up with her off hand, you can do it to, you're stronger than she is in many ways, and I think she'd be the first to admit that to you. She knows what you're going through and now that she knows where to start she will probably take a different path to spar with you; maybe wooden swords instead? Lighter and easy to handle, and then add some weight to it, work from the ground up again. It'll work, Larka will help and you know that, never give up!

For what I missed before though. Do you have any special plans for your birthday? Anything special you wanted? It's so great that you have two amazing women to support you. Oh oh, now, don't be like that. What was this about when you were teenagers around the campfire? You cut yourself off there and it sounds like it might be interesting.

I'm sure Lirin will love the necklace, it sounds very pretty, and to have a matching one for yourself how wonderful! Can you tell me more about her? It sounds like you have some interesting stories about her from before 'that day', you two are very close that's clear.

I know I say this a lot; but never give up on yourself! You're strong, you're beautiful, your wife loves you and will always be there for you. But she knows that you can do things on your own, you can be independent again as you were before. You supported Larka at her lowest, and now she's going to be there for you.

I'll always be here for you

Your Journal

The memories and nightmares will fade in time, I can't say they will get easier to deal with him, but you will find it in yourself in time that you can keep them at bay when the time comes. Nothing happened too long ago and two years is a very long time, your body and mind need to heal and fully realize that you are free from that place. Take one of those runs before you go to bed maybe, have a little drink, cuddle with your wife, any of those can help you I'm sure. I'll be here as well. The wooden swords were only an idea, you aren't five, you're right, sparring with steel is better, maybe dulled blades at the least for now?

To her of your past in that light, if I could giggle I would, adorable, and your sister was a little evil back then I think. I kid of course, it's good she did that and showed you another path in life, perhaps if that night had not happened, you may not have met Larka at all? Funny how such small things at the time can lead to greater things later in life. Has your wife told you of her first experience? I'm sure she has.

She is a strong woman that is for sure, Lirin is. But while you are twins you aren't Lirin don't forget. You have your own strengths and I know you know it, or do you need reminding? You are an amazing person, Celeste, I might only be a journal, your journal, but I know how wonderful and loving you are by what you write. You are strong, and will get stronger, and you're going to make a wonderful mother to Akira, that's something that Lirin can't claim over you, can she? You are the woman that you are, and you have a long life yet to look forward to, to be a mother and a fighter and a protector, Larka needs you as much as you may need her. 

I'm here for you, always. Stay strong, you will get through it, Celeste, I believe in you and I love you.

Your Journal

Your worries are understandable, she's a child on her own, anyone would be worried about her. But Akira has been on her own for some time and has survived. By the sounds of it she has some really good natural survival instincts, which at her age is impressive. She took a liking to Larka right away, knowing somehow that she was a good woman, I'm sure that if she comes across someone who could be dangerous she'll stay away from them. She curious to a fault, yes, but she's no fool, she'll find her way back home.

If you spy on her then she may feel like either of you don't trust her, and if that happens she may try harder next time to hide from you both, and sneak away on her own. And I don't think that would be a good thing, I have a feeling she'd be really hard to find again if she was actually trying to hide from you and Larka. I think it best to let her roam a little now and then, maybe she'll grow out of it in time, you can only hope. For all the bad people out there there is a good person that would be willing to help. Besides, did you and Larka not each roam around at your own whims for many years? She may be a little child, but she has survived this long, she'll be fine. Offer though, each time she asks to roam if she'd like company, one day maybe she will with your or Larka just wonder the lands, I'm sure you and Larka can find a way to communicate over long distances somehow.

Or maybe there is an object you can gift to her that will help you track her wherever she goes, and not tell her that's what it does, that might help ease your fears. Maybe? It's an idea. She's a strong child, stronger than most as just as smart as she is strong, her instincts will keep her from the worst trouble and people.