Den mother says that writing about what happens to us throughout our day will help keep our minds sharp. A mind that is sharp avoids obvious traps and lives longer. That was her favorite thing to say, my ears still ring with her admonishing voice, but her words are wise and her lessons are too far ingrained in my makeup for me to abandon them now. Therefore I am keeping this journal to document my journey and keep my mind up to den mother's standards. 

Today I met the strangest being. In his defense, I was looking for him, and my reasoning for doing so was rather odd, but still he was most unexpected. When I asked him…when I accused him of being the person haunting my dreams rather than getting defensive he seemed saddened. I'm not sure what has happened to him recently but something has affected him; he seems to be lost or in mourning. 

At one point in the conversation he smiled and it was oddly enjoyable. I mean he was handsome in a cold noble way. The light in the room seemed to bend toward him, which may have led me to call him blind-spot in a fit of annoyance. He didn't seem to mind, but maybe I should refrain from name-calling in the future. Anyway, he is objectively good looking, but I am not looking for a mate and I am most certainly not looking for a mate that acts so serious and depressed. I have enough clouds in my life I do not need anymore. 

Also, he brought up someone called Now-ata, I should really ask him how to spell that so I have it correctly for my records. I have no idea who this person is but the light man said his name with an air of disappointment and reverence, not two emotions you hear together very often. Maybe it was an old lover. That thought makes my stomach tighten, perhaps it is in annoyance; I cannot imagine letting someone affect me like that. I refuse to have my life revolve and depend on someone else so much that I would become a shell if they leave. 

Maybe what I have to tell him will help break the gloomy spell that seems to be surrounding him. After I tell him maybe he will leave my dreams alone, although a small, a very very small part of me may miss having him there.