[Back in the beginning of Gaea’s childhood. These entries will lead up to her current state of affairs. These are a record of her past.]

[Age 5]
Mama gave me this journal so I could keep track of everything I do! She says its really good for practicing my handwriting. Gemma got one too! I can’t wait to write down everything I do so I can share all my stories with my future children! Or… maybe just Gemma’s children.

Is it weird if… your younger sister is stronger than you are? It is weird to ask a blank page but I can’t ask Mama. What if she becomes upset with me because I’m not like Gemma? I can’t do the things she does… Why? I get these tummy aches whenever I try to use my magic too much. Is that normal? Does Gemma get tummy aches too?

Am I broken?

Or am I just different?

Is different okay?

Da hasn’t come here yet since a few months ago. He always gives us warm smiles and gives us scrolls of magic to practice. He says he has high hopes for both of us. That he thinks we’ll become precious nymphs among his kingdom.

…What if he finds out?

Will he be mad?

What if he doesn't want me anymore?

What if he wants to keep Gemma but not me?

I should go to bed. Mama says we’re going to go on an adventure tomorrow! No point in worrying about spilled milk (as Mama would say).

-Gaea

[Age 6]

They say its called Mana Deficiency. It’s really rare among our kind and it hurts. It makes my tummy hurt a lot and if I push myself too hard my skin around my mana points starts to turn black. Mama hit my hand hard when she saw it. She told me I must never ever push myself that hard ever again.

Mama has never hit me before but I could tell from looking at her that she was scared. Does that mean that Mana Deficiency could really kill me? I’m scared to ask Mama. I’m scared to tell Da. He’s getting really impatient that I can’t do the things Gemma can do now. He’s started to say I’m slacking off and he’s scolding me. I spent all afternoon crying after he left.

Is he really not going to love me anymore?

…Does that mean Mama wouldn’t love me either?

What about Gemma?

If I can’t use magic then what do I do with my life? Mama says I’m very small and that I shouldn’t worry about anything adult like but I can’t help it. Gemma is so good at magic and she pretty much never has to worry about her future anymore… But what is going to happen to me?

I’m really scared and I don’t know who to talk to… Gemma would just tell everyone and Mama is too worried about other things. I don’t think anyone would listen to me…

-Gaea

[Age 7]

I knew it! I absolutely knew it.

Father doesn’t love me anymore. He told me I would be better off dead.

Gemma got mad at him and took my hand. She yelled at him that if he wants me dead than he has to kill her too. I don’t want that. I don’t want to see Gemma get hurt. Mama appeared and sent Father out of the mansion. She told him that he was no longer allowed to be around us anymore unless he could accept both of us.

I heard Father clearly when he told Mama that he has no daughters with her… Only Gemma if she would abandon me and accept me for the failure I am.

It hurts. I thought Father would love me no matter what. Gemma and Mama love me no matter what… They stuck up for me and hugged me when I was crying.

Mama told me that it was all her fault because she had never noticed the Mana Deficiency when I was in her womb. She told she could have fixed it and she still could if I wanted it. I thought long and hard about it. Father can go to hell if he doesn’t love me the way I am.

I don’t need my Nymph Magic. I want to get far in life without it so I can look at Father in the future and tell him that I’m not useless.

I hate him. I hate being a half-nymph. I hate my stupid eyes and my stupid hair. I hate looking like him… but I can’t hate myself because that would be hating Gemma too. I need to take care of Gemma now.

I need to decide what it is I’m meant to do.

-Gaea

[Age 8]

It’s now Ignius season. I’ve made the decision that I’m going to learn under Mama. Well not exactly. I’ve enrolled in the earliest classes at the Academy in Sularia and I’m going to learn how to do alchemy, healing, and herbalism.

I looked all over the Red District looking for a teacher who would take me and mentor me so it’s not Mama. I don’t want Mama to go easy on me just because I have a disadvantage compared to the others. So, to get around that I’ve knocked on nearly every single healer’s door in Sularia.

It took hours but I finally found a mentor, by begging and sobbing no less. Her name is Florence Arrowroot. She said she was going to take me only because she hates my father. Apparently, she and he have had a bad dealing in the past. She said she would like nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face. Florence said that she wasn’t going to take it easy on me just because I’m a little girl. I wouldn’t expect her to…

Do people always think they need to take it easy on little kids? I would like to think they shouldn’t have to, how would people ever learn how to do something right if they were given the easy way out?

Teacher told me that I need to get sleep because it will be hard to juggle both the Academy and her lessons. Maybe eventually I will let my mama teach me too. I’m excited to see how useful I can be.

OH! I asked Mama if she could downscale my room and just make it a little study area with a little bed so I don’t have any distractions. Mama thought it was a weird request but she did it for me. It’s a little cramped but that means that I can focus. Right?

I hope so.

I hope I’m good at this!

Drat, I think I might be too excited to sleep… Does counting sheep actually work? Maybe I should count wolves or something else instead.

-Gaea