I keep having dreams that I'm still in captivity, I remember every detail until I wake gasping, my chest tight, and drenched in sweat. I spoke with the Goddess Rhylana, and she mentioned a journal may lighten the load I bear. Forty years ago I was reborn and entered the service of an Alchemist. Before I had served his Father who had let me live among the household in whichever form I wished. The son was sickly his entire life and when his Father passed i came under his care. Suddenly I was sent to the basement, where the Alchemist had his workplace. A large golden cage awaited me, I had been told that it was temporary and I would accompany him as he worked. When I was settled he left me there in the dark. I figured since I was in my  bird form and couldn't speak he had forgotten and would release me in the morning but he didn't. He didn't even acknowledge my presence though I had healed him as a child. Months went by and I could see the disease waste away at him, when he came hobbling in with a cane he finally asked me to heal him. When I didn't produce the healing tears he proceeded to beat me through the bars of the cage until I cried out of pain. That was only the begining. 

Each night I was left alone and even when he was in his study I was left in silence. As time progressed I yearned to be human again, I wanted to speak, to walk, to fly. I would flap my wings and rattle the cage every time the Alchemist was near but he didn't even let me see the light of day. Every few months I would be tortured until I shed tears to heal his body, because the disease was deeper than anything I could heal permenantly. I was necessary for him to live, but in doing so i knew that I wasn't being utilized for the hundreds of others she could have healed within that time. 

There was no way for me to keep track of time or days, I came to relish the times when he left me in the dark alone because it meant that day he wasn't going to beat me. I could feel myself spiraling into madness, in my desperation I sent out a prayer to the Goddess of Fire. My whole exsistance I had never believed in a higher being but when I felt the warmth and strength in response to the prayers I knew someone was listening. The madness was kept at bay, and I locked away parts of my soul in hopes that someday when this man died I would have pieces of me left to put back together. 

I know now that I am free, I know that I will not be tortured every time someone touches me and yet I find myself cringing at the least if anyone does so. At the temple of the Goddess of Fire she offered a comforting hand on my arm and I fell to the ground in a panic attack. Since then I've managed not to do so again, but I fear I will never be able to respond right to touch again. It has only been weeks since I was reborn so I know I have time to heal. I'm hoping that it happens soon because Rhylana offered me a place as a healer in her temple. If I accept I will need to learn to touch others in order to heal them. Heres to the off chance that writing in a journal will actually help.