I suppose I should start by saying this; I…don't hate my father.

After everything I end up learning of him, of how his once sick obsession with darkness had nearly cost him his family, I can't bring myself to hate him. Am I angry? Yes. I believe that it was his refusal to let go of whatever power hungry scheme he believed in indulging in was the reason why Mama had left. The reason why I don't know where my sister is, or if she even still draws breath. The reason why our own relationship had been rocky for years. Despite living a girl's dream of living in a castle, it felt more like a prison to me. I was separated from any outsiders and there had been scarce members of the guild, it was typically me and Father. I don't hate him, but I don't like him much either. Its hard to get close to him when I didn't know who he really was. He loved Mama, at least that's what he said. Yet, the next thing I knew, he was with Aunt Moliira. It was strange especially since he didn't tell any of the other family members about it. I wasn't sure what to think about it; it was weird yet I held nothing against her. What helped was that she wasn't truly blood related, but it only helped to soothe some of the awkwardness I guess.

Being in that damn castle, isolated from the rest of the world may have been his dream, but it wasn't mine at all. I wanted to run free like Mama, and at every turn, he would bring me back and lock me away. I don't hate him, but I wish that he was a better father. My uncle could teach him a thing or two- Uncle Blaine wasn't seen too often but when he did, he treated me like the rest of his children. Perhaps Father is simply inexperienced when it comes to understanding children and can't see things the way his brother does. Jayden is happy. The twins are happy. Aurora is happy (well as happy as can be when she's the splitting image of my eccentric Aunt Toya). I am sure they have rough times, but they manage to pull through together…so why couldn't we? What was so different about my Father and me that we couldn't settle and find mutual ground. I wish my Mama was here, she'd know what to do. Throughout her life, she did everything she could for me and my sister, and with the two of them gone, I feel lost. I tried to explained that to him, but in one sense or another, it was lost to him.

I feel like I keep repeating myself, but I don't hate my father, I just don't understand him as he doesn't me….