I recently decided to start writing this journal to write down my thoughts in a chance that it will keep them from causing me to slowly go mad and I guess there is no better time to start than when you are sleep deprived. my sleep has always alluded me but not like this not for three days straight no normally for only one day at a time but I have had these nightmares constantly scratching at my sleeping mind driving me to awake  to the point I am scared to fall asleep, the content of these nightmares ranging from my past with my father to me loosing control of my powers and destroying everything I hold dare to me. I guess I have also become so sleep deprived that my haunting thoughts of the night have leaked into that of the day and slowly the lines have started to blur in my mind. I really hope to finally fall asleep  maybe if i find a mage with the power to put someone into a deep sleep that would be able to help. 

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I managed to get some sleep last night , I guess I was so tiered that I didn’t dream. I have been struggling to find a job here in adeluna city I think I might want to move back to the blessed city of abed were I grew up, I mean I hear my father died of an illness so I won’t be in danger but I haven’t been there since I ran away last year but I guess I didn’t really think through moving here as to this place to this continent in general as its more about physical strength than magical strength and unfortunately physical strength is something I am very much lacking in so I don’t know what possessed me at the time to go here maybe it was the feeling that I had to get away from it all as fast as I could and as far away as I could get well still staying comfortable. I should have just gone back to abed after killing the slave owners in wyllmochvar. it would have been easier for me . that is it I have made up my mind I plan to start my journey back to the city in which I was born were hopefully my gifts will be excepted. 

I must be the king of bad decisions like it's my special ability at this point. what possessed me to think I could walk all the way back, I have little food and no energy. I wish I had never been born. My father, he would be happy and my mother maybe if she hadn’t met him she would not be sealed away. The walk from Mamluk to laeto rainforest is a difficult journey, one that is hard to make alone. With only my rabbit to keep me company and the sound of the hungry stomach is the only voice to talk to. I really would rather avoid laeto rainforest but I need to find a way to get to yovaesh so I can get on a boat.I really need to plan better 

You know sometimes people have called me an airhead like for someone who is often serious I get lost or lose things easily like how I ended up in mamlak like if I hadn't gone the wrong way I would probably be at the port already but hey as I said king of bad decisions is basically my title. I kind of think I might just stay in mamlak for a bit longer as my other entry in this book of failures stated I need money so I will try to find a few small jobs before continuing my journey. Maybe I am not as bad as planing as I thought, though my next entry might just be on why this plan failed.