I find myself changed. Naturally, with a new land, there would be change, a new realm. But there is more, it is wild, and it all came one night whilst I lay in my bed with my husband and son. I awoke to a feeling of power prickling its way along my flesh, searing its way into my mind and forcing me to see it for what it was. Guised as my sister, the powers of the world came to me, showing a world of destruction and painting me the fool if I should stay in my home, in the land that I had been born into. Dante had awoken, feeling my reaction and knowing that something was wrong- the fires had started, the world was burning. It was with his urging that I took Nikolai into my arms and fled through a mysterious portal without him. Without a kiss. Without a goodbye, the portal sealed behind me leaving I and my mate separated.

Darkness and humidity greeted me as I exited this portal, falling the mossy undergrowth of a dense jungle, wild beasts lurking in the tree line as my son seemed to cling to me in his sleep. His hair was longer, but other than that, nothing about him had truly changed physically. Perhaps he was a bit taller, though the change would be too small to take note. Time had passed, and it was too hard to nail down how much time, what I did know was that I had been sent here, to this land, for a reason and this place had been selected for me.

I wasted no time in constructing my Temple, The Ivory Court, pushing and forming the jungle with new-found and growing power. Nikolai had seemed to sleep through all of this, a magical sleep that made him impervious to the upheaval going on. A blessing, I thought, for surely being awake with wild beasties in the brush would upset him greatly. The temple came together quickly, high domed towers, pools ad gardens, it was as if my Oasis had grown up and changed though the power dictated how it formed, wherein I merely gave it the force. The cats seemed to flock to me, a large white lion, several tigers, all in whites- which was unusual to see in the wilderness for it was a mark of blessed blood.

My power had surely taken shape and changed fundamentally. No longer was I just a conduit for fire, though surely that survived in a greater aspect, I felt that I could flatten the world should I choose to. And oh how tempting it was, for this land had changed the whole of her life, and better or worse remained to be seen. For now, I think we will stay here, in my temple, and allow my son to come to terms with my change, with the loss of his father. I knew that I would one day lose my husband, my beloved mate, I just had not thought that it would come so soon.

Perhaps Damon and Alairia will follow, perhaps the powers that be will see fit to guide them as I was.

For now, my beloved journal, the sun rises- and I find myself fatigued. I know I must feed soon, lest my power get the best of me, but for now, normalcy and peace is needed.

My guard has come. It took him some time to find his way to me, but he returned. I had my doubts, some time ago, when he had come to me I doubted that this creature could bond himself to me and guard me so completely. He came, and I awoke to him, somehow, at my door- waiting, protecting, letting me know he was protecting me. Protecting Nikolai. He had kept his word, against time and realms, he had come. Last night, upon seeing him at the entry to my chambers, I slept as soundly as I have ever had in the arms of those I trust most. Knowing that my bird was back, it soothed a fear I had not known had weighed so heavily upon my heart. This bond, our connection, has run deeper over the past few years, and it is a blessing to have him returned to me. One that shall not be overlooked again, for surely I did not do right by him when the world changed, I had not summoned him to me and left him o fend for himself.

When the sun set and the twin moons rose, I took Damon to meet my son for the first time, truly. Nikolai has always been my hidden heart, that which is the sweetest secret. So jealously have I guarded him that it kept my captain separated from me in the time of greatest upheaval, a dearest friend and confidant. I am uncertain of how this world will treat me, how will treat us and ours, but it will be an adventure moving forward to be certain.

Alairia, a young girl that was the sibling to the lost avatar Kale, has joined us. She has taken up the blade and I guide her in her studies to further her intelligence. I had arranged a magic tutor for her to foster her gifts with the Air element, and she had been thriving. I will have to work with this world to find her tutors, work with those around me in the midst of my search for my family. Father is surely here somewhere, I did not feel father fall, nor does our connection feel changed, so surely he is here. I never thought to say that I would miss him so keenly, but here it is, I am glad to feel the bond that ties us so closely. More than father and daughter, but as God and creation, for I am his little monster.

It plagues me, for I cannot feel my little sisters, my brother, I do not know if they have made the leap. I do not know if it is just me, Nikolai and father. Once I tend to matters of house keeping, I will seek out those that I hold a bond to and I will discover just how much we have lost as a family, and we will address it then. For if all my siblings are lost to me, I shall mourn them as I need to. Such thoughts cause my heart to ache, and a rage rise within my breast- though there is no target on which to loose my anger…it is an odd and filling feeling. For now, I am but to wait.

The maid has finished breakfast dear journal, and Nikolai begs to swim. I shall take my solace there.

He is here. My father is here, with my sisters! True, I have learned that so many are lost to us, Victor included, but to know what I still have? I find myself revealing in that join time and again when the darkness becomes fiendish, or when Nikolai finds the pain too much. I still recite the lost stories to him, thrones father gave me to learn his language, and I have re-written them on vellum and parchment for our own library. IT still wrenches my own heart to know that the home in which i was born is gone, the library there in, and the garden that held the remains of my sister. I will never see her again, not even in the portrait father had painted of us all those moons ago. I will miss her, the finality of it all. Amrich has not been seen yet, there is a spark of hope for me, for Amrich has been charged with my daughter and soon to be son in law, and Amrich would not simply vanish without a fight.

I pray they made it through. But who listens to the prayers of the gods?

Devon seems to think I will find love again, but how can I when I have lost all the men I have ever loved? Amrich, Dante…Victor…I think I loved Victor, lest I would never have never given him my blood. Father says that for a vampire to share blood it is more intimate than intercourse. As he would be well versed on the subject, I shall take his word on this, for I am not a true vampire as he is. He and I have spoken at length as to what I am, we have yet to determine the finite points, only that I am a Shadow Born, and as such I will have to consume the souls of the living to continue my existence, lest I spend my immortality as a ghoul.

Devany wants to be a family, under one roof, again- something that I know in my heart will never happen. Tari lives with father now, and as such, I worry darkness will consume that which is in her heart, her light and goodness. Though part of me knows that there is nothing that could extinguish it, merely mar it. What would this woman find in this world, how would she grow with the legendary Keep library gone, lost to the ages? Time will tell, but for now I aim to venture to the great ports, finding relics and tomes for both my and Father’s libraries, perhaps there will be things of note to this world. While nothing will replace the great library, it would assist in building a new one, perhaps there would be a magical relic or two to be kept under wards.

Who knows what this world has to bring, but i aim to take to it like a wolf to the hunt and find out.

The Ivory Court. My walls are as pure as my father's are black, the light bounces and flowers with each step, goldstone glittering and shimmering with the many braziers’ flames. Nikolai has called this place his shining star, I tend to agree, for the climate allows for my gardens to flower and grow in ways that Minoc would never have allowed. The vines grow quickly, taking to the walls of the compound as if they mean to take over this otherwise foreign invader as if my walls offend them. It brings to light that I need to work on my earth magics, as while I enjoy working the plants themselves, dealing with the same vines several times over is tiresome and I hardly desire to waste time dealing with pests when I could be working on cultivating the plants that I intend to inhabit my realm.

My private garden has come along much more easily than the main one, it is larger, extending into the forest with pathways, small rivers and fauna that seem to help the altered vegetation take hold much easier. I have found exotic fruits and flowers that offer bright colours to the intensely rich green area, ones that highlight my nature, the locals have called them ‘birds of paradise’ and ‘Pomegranates’, I find the fruit to be delicious but more work than not for its pleasurable treasures inside. At the centre of this garden, there is a discrete memorial for those that I lost. For Dante, there is a lone wolf, howling to the sky, carved from pure ebony, for Nicky, a lone wolf pup in the shadow of the alpha, a statue of my sister with them, standing over them as if to protect them in their afterlife. They are all that I will remember for now, there is room to add Brynn if needed, I pray to the powers that it is not needed, but as time goes on- my hope dims.

Thus far, only Nikolai and I are allowed within this garden, and he has asked who these people, aside from Daddy, are. I have told him stories of my sister and me, the tragic story of the son that came before them. He has asked after his grandfather now and again, and I have yet to either confirm or deny if father is well. Mainly because that remains to be seen,  father did not seem well at all when I saw him. I can hardly blame the man, save for me and my sisters, and his constant companion, our family, is incomplete. Eilanna’s body is gone, and most dear to him - his library has been taken with the times; a most sincere and abominable to the family as a whole. No, the Lord Knight is not well, and it would be best to keep such a volatile and sincerely cold being from my son for a time, at least until he has proven to be able to be kinder, even if it is a ruse, for my son’s sake.

During the great shift, the powers kept my son asleep until my temple had formed well, a blessing, but also a curse for the only goodbye he got from Dante had been a tear-filled kiss to the head before pushing us through the portal. We discuss that night now and again at bed time, and sometimes he fears waking without me only to be left to Alairia and Damon for the rest of his days. To hear such tales worries me though we have begun to study, for I am teaching him his familial history as well as Father’s language from the story books he had lent me prior to my leaving the Keep. I had been bright enough to copy down a number of tales, and most I have memorised. Those will be transcribed for Nikolai once he is old enough to read, for now we focus on just learning the language. He likes it, he says that not only is it simple, but that he finds the words pleasing. Such words remind me of my father, but he is kind like his own. I will miss Dante, but am oh so glad to have a piece of him here with me.

I have opened my home to my father and those of his house, provided Draven can behave himself with my subjects and worshippers, and hope that father will come soon. He is, understandably, anxious and wishes to ensure that my little sisters would be safe visiting upon me. I doubt he will come, as his loss has bee great and it tends to poke the wolves side of him when angered. This is not a side I desire to see, for perhaps he would cast against me again, and with these new powers- I do not know how well I could refrain from truly damaging the God. They seem to have a mind of their own, a will that tries to bubble over my own and consume me completely. More than once have I destroyed and remade my private quarters only to be left exhausted from the arcane output. I must speak with father about the finer points of what I am, for my innate self does not seem to agree with my arcane and divine being.

We will see.

For now, the tea is hot, and my son desires to hear of the hero Amrich and his adventures in the Underdark. If only he knew that the hero Amrich had once truly lived and that his adventures had been my own as well.